so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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