My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
