i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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