there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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