All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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