I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
