please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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