I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
