At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
