everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
