You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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