I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
