She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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