I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
