32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
