Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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