Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
