Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
