Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
