yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
