i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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