how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
