Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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