I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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