Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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