What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
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The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
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So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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