I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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