Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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