Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My vagina is very pro this idea
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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