i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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