Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
