I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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