break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
