I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just threw up on my dentist
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
