the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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