the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i out mim tonsoeep
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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