I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
