He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
