Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
