I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
