I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
