what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
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This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
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the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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