Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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