If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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