I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
