As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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