Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
