You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
