I'm eating all of the evidence.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
