yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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