Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
