just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
