it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
