that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
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I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
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She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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