I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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