Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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