I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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