3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
