The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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