According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
