so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
