I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
