dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
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