HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
