its not stalking. its research.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The air taste purple.
Randomize
