You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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