gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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