I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
