At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
